mornings

im sitting here drinking coffee and staring at the sky we use to share..
but even this coffee can not wake me from this aweful nightmare..
i remember a time when you loved me and use to care..
and now when i open my eyes you just arent there..

you use to be my horizon, i came to you every night
you were my getaway, and with you i felt so right..
you were my bonnie and i was your clyde..
we owned this world each day and night..

now i got no one to rule this kingdom that we built..
and baby losing you was my biggest guilt..
as i reminisce what we gone through i go on a trip..
wanting to hold you and how we shared our lips..

what if i died tomorrow would you ever care?
would you get out of your car and stop and stare?
remember all the times we had and the ones we shared?
what if tomorrow i wasnt there?

i used to cry just to put myself to sleep..
now my weeps keep me up at night..
i ripped my heart out and threw it at the bottom of the ocean
because it was tainted with your fucking lies..

now im sitting here drinking coffee just to stay awake..
because now you reak the thoughts of my dreams
and no matter how much i push you away..
all i think about is you.... and me

ocean

you use to be my ocean
now you just a puddle
you use to be my notion
but it's time to pop this bubble
you see the world with colors i can not manage.
but you in his arms, i think one day i'll understand it
sometimes manytimes it's getting harder and harder to breathe
but i'll take care of myself, one day someday i'll find me
i thought i found my heart my soul in you
you were the reason why i breathe
but now you got a man
and you mean the whole world to him
nothing i can do to make a change
and my world has stopped..
you cant need me
you cant see me,like you use too
but i cant trip,like i use too
because it dont matter
because it's just you two
walking away from what means the most
hurts so much yet you dont know
you
you... were the reason why i breathe
but now i have to find the oxygen
because im dying inside
maybe im weak
yeah. i am and maybe i was to blame
for not being strong to call you mine
im sorry i was stupid and those foolish signs
i miss you
i really do
but all i hear now
is the songs with you two
when i close my eyes
that's when you are near
one day i'll find my way back to your heart
but for now i'll be here in the dark
no spark, it's so cold
nobody in sight nobody to hold
i use to love you like it was a prize..
now it's only a chore
maybe it wasnt worth it
i dont know anymore

raining

in the rain we use to roam these streets
walk in the beach with our bear feet
and this world use to be us, you and me
but now you with him,
and you look at me differently
i see how you still look at me
and i think inside you still love me
but you dont want to get hurt
from this guy whom seeks to get hurt
someone like you shouldnt be with me
i dont deserve
i look out my window
wiping away the water in its eyes
since you been gone away
i been left here feeling blue..
no one can take away
this pains i feel each day
you use to be the sunshine in my darkest days
and now you the clouds that just wont seem to fade
i walk the streets where we use to roam
and baby now it's my only home
i open my eyes with these tears in my heart
i cant believe ive lost and this is over..

paper inked

have you ever woken up and feel as though your world is upside down?
walk the streets so crowded but the voices around you has no sound?
have you ever looked inside yourself to find the love you once had?
melted inside you cant to peel it off and you cant forgot the past?
i know your heart has seen better times. and i know im starting to run out of rhymes.. and i know i cant use words again to make you mine. but im not ready to let go of you and me. youre the words to my melodies.. and why cant you see.. im nothing without my baby..
we had it all, how could we fall..

have you ever heard a sad song that just makes you want to reminisce?
want to replace all the feelings you have now and fiending for that kiss?
have you ever went through a day without them inside your mind eating it away?
cant stop the thinking they left you all the pains inside you just cant find that new day?
i know sometimes you just want to rip your heart out and drop it at the bottom of the ocean
taking all these pills just to feel sane and you knew she was your last devotion..

i wonder why i didnt see through your game..
i couldnt get mad at you no matter how hard i tried..
but i know now you are tattooed to my brain
and i miss you so much it brings tears to these eyes..
sometimes i think im going insane..
sometimes i wonder why im still living this life
i wonder how and who is going to help me make a change..
because im losing myself to the emotions i said i didnt feel inside..

for now

walking away from it all.. leaving you guys behind..
i might say i am not sad.. but inside i am crying..
i love you guys with whatever i have left of this heart
and i know when i move.. you guys might fall apart..
but you guys are stronger than you guys really know..
and im dying inside.. i just dont know what to do..
i feel so empty here even with you guys around.
you guys are my only family yet you guys cant hear this sound
that my heart makes when you guys are tearing each other apart.. so dark we just keep on running..
we have fallen yet we arent learning..
that sometimes this friendship needs the concerning

i dont wanna lie.. but this is a game we playing and sometimes we got to lose..
it hurts inside but what else can we do?
i know we will be forever.. but i want an eternity
i want to die with you guys beside me..
not with this space between us..
i might be gone for now.. but i'll always come back..
but it's up to you to know what to do with that

L.O.V.E.

Walking in circles and around some more..
And i see im nothing to love but a stupid whore.
I worked all my life to love, love but now it's a chore
Maybe i didnt love, love right but now im not too sure.

Sleepless night drowning in the thoughts of her.
My life has passed me by and all i saw was blurs
Morning comes and i havent slept in hours
She was my poison yet i couldnt get enough of her..

The days comes and goes, it just passes by..
And now i see our love was truly a lie.
Yet i wonder why, why is it so hard to say good-bye
I have to let this go before i lose my mind..

I still reminisce after all these years..
And the love in me just wont disappear..
I am losing myself my greatest fear
But i think i still love you my dear..

Maybe this is a curse that i have to carry, my burden..
Something i have to learn to live with, im certain
I use to dwell in the padded cell i built for myself, so calming..
But now that i look at it this is hell, and i am burning..

im not going to teach your boyfriend how to dance with you

Heh... here goes..
You are the girl.. i always dreamt to be with me
Light up my world.. so the darkness can be seen.
You belong with me.. oh baby why cant you see..
Every time you are with him.. it hurts me..
you know you are my everything..
Im not going to teach him how to dance with you.
Because when i do i know it will be the end of us
Giving up on everything we knew and trust
Being together forever now it's a must

He held your hands like i held yours
I feel like a toy you play with when your bored.
He tells you he loves you and you get serenaded by his look
But baby i thought i did good. i played by the books
Why cant you see oh baby you belong with me..
I must of been blinded by your love..
But if you go with him.. i wont see this world
Because baby you are my girl.
Im not ready to teach him how to dance with you..
Because you are the girl and im still in love with you.

if i told you

i wish i can believe, everything you told me..
i just cant comprehend, why you just stand there looking at me..
am i a joke? am i the entertainment you seek?
like the puppet you are the master you tell me what i speak?

i wish i can believe, everything i have heard..
but the more i move on, the more i know everyone is absurd..
i know i cant be happy and this is my curse
i must of done something stupid in my past to get what i deserve?

i jump into conclusion.. to find the answer i hear to hear.
but you push me out, you give me no explanation..
just tell me what you are thinking.. right now?
i loved you when i was nothing, i am still nothing
but dont i deserve a reason why you tore me apart like a piece of bubble gum paper?

i must of been stupid to give you my all...
when my all was only my heart...
i must of been terrible for you to ignore me completely?
for you to talk to me so violently?
what have i done to deserve this hate from you..
when all i did was love you..

Because sometimes, forgetting is easier on the heart

sometimes its hurts more to hold onto stuff that tears us apart..
dreaming, wishing, hoping, and wondering where you are.
i stare at the skies waiting to catch a star
so i can make a wish to have you beside me once more..
is that really too much to ask for?
i dont believe it is..
even though we are still kids..
i hated the day we had to say goodbye..
i didnt know goodbye meant you would leave forever.. -sigh-
i really thought we could be friends the best of friends
guess not. goodbye for you was the very end..
i didnt know breaking heart was a trend.
but you sure rocked it well
but i was wondering if i can have my heart so my chest can stop the swell
i live each day wondering what if what could of been
if i stayed because you sure seem to feel the need to have someone 100%
i guess i didnt love you the way you loved the feeling of feeling wanted..
but you made me who i am.
and im not sure if i should blame, you or me
damn...
im here again on this road to no where.
stop and stare and im surely going no where...
life is tough but i always thought it could be fair.
guess not.

FML

chasing rainbows
and i followed you down to hell for a nice walk
had some drinks and shared a talk
and its killing me.. destroying me..
and throwing my soul across the room
and im here waiting and i assume
you will come back.
but for now FCUK YOU!

chasing cars..
and i followed you all the way down..
you took me under, under so i would drown
its consuming me, eating me whole..
and throwing my life into the wall..
and im waiting and im assuming
you will come save me...
but for now.. fcuk me..

part 4 Please Tell Me

i got up the next morning and Michael called me "LIAM!WAKEY WAKEY it's today!"
"urrrghhh OK OK I'm up.." and then i hung up and i got up and looked out the window what a beautiful day birds flying everywhere. i went to the bathroom and got ready and i was thinking out today holds for us.
the phone rang when i was brushing my teeth "LIAM HURRY UP DUDE!" Michael said as he hung up. "haha, Michael is too impatient," i said as i just finished up. i walked down the stairs and there he was sitting there eating breakfast with my mom "morning mom and hello Michael," i said. "LIAM, your mommy makes good waffles" and he smiled at me with his big smile. "Mrs.Vuong you have to teach me how to make these they are yummy." Michael said "haha why of course i will anytime just drop by," she said "well Michael whenever you are done lets head out "Liam, you aren't hungry?"she said to me "well mom we are going to the park so I'm saving my stomach for later" i replied.
Michael just finished up and we said good-bye to my mom and started to walk to Lia's house. "Liam, today is going to be a great day" he said as he pushed me "why do you say that?" i asked , "well you are going to be hanging out with Lia all day and i got my Theresa all for myself." he replied. i smiled at him and just nodded and we finally got to her house and she came out and she looked beautiful. in a yellow dress with white stripes and her hair blowing in the wind. "hi hi Lia," as i stuttered "LIA YOU LOOK PRETTY!" Michael screamed at her "haha hey you guys" she said as she smiled. "one more stop Theresa here we come!" Michael said as he ran off towards her house. "MICHAEL!" i screamed "uh? i really don't know where her house is" i looked at Lia. "its OK we should just meet them at the park," she said as he held my hands. and we started to walk towards the park. we walked and i looked at her and she her head was pointing up in the sky "Liam? today is a beautiful day." she said "uh oh yeah it is its very lovely." i replied and i kept looking at her. and as we kept on walking i walked into a pole. "ow.. that hurts" as i rubbed my head and looked up "hehe Liam, you are such a ditz," she said as she helped me up. i blushed and just got up real fast like nothing happens. "haha i meant to do that" as i rubbed my head. "if you say so Liam." she replied. i think i should keep my eyes on where I'm walking now so that wont happen again.
we finally got to the park and Michael and Theresa was walking towards us with a picnic basket and we walked towards them.
"what took you guys so long?" Michael asked "well Michael dear you kind of ran off without us.." i replied. "oh haha is that why you guys weren't behind me?" he asked "well Michael that seems to be the case." i said as i pushed him and laughed.
Michael is soo clueless sometimes.
we got everything set up and we sat down. "what do you guys want to do first?" Michael asked us. "i dont know" we all said together.
Lia and i looked at each other and we both said at the same time "hey lets go on the swing," Michael looked at us and said "wow you guys are weird, can you do that again?" Lia and i looked at each other and both said "do what?" and Michael laughed and said "now that's weird." he got up and grabbed Theresa and ran towards the pond.
Lia and i got up and just heading towards the swing. and she was holding my hands along the way. she sat on the swing and i got behind her and i pushed her. and she was holding on and smiling at me. and i sat beside her and started to push myself. "Liam, do you ever wonder how we all meet?" she asked "uh I'm not sure but sometimes i think its destiny." i replied. she smiled at me and she slowly grabbed my hands and i grasp onto her and i felt everything was right. as i was swinging Michael and Theresa ran beside us and started to throw water balloons at us. Lia, stood up and was soaked i fell onto the ground "ow my butt.." i said and i got up and started to chase them and while we were running they kept throwing water balloons at me "THERESA DON'T LET ME GET US!" Michael screamed as he ran behind a tree. i started to chase Theresa and out of no where Michael came with a water gun and started to shoot me. as i was covering myself Theresa came too with a water gun and they both started to shoot me. i was soaked to the bones. "that's not fair it is two versus one" i said. they stopped shooting and i looked up and saw Lia walking towards me and she squatted and she pulled out a water pistol and squirted me in the face. "hehe sorry Liam" she said as she smiled at me. i wiped my face and i tackled her onto the ground and we both layed there and started to laugh. "so uh does that mean Theresa and i won?" Michael asked questionably. i looked up and i smiled and said "haha yeah you win," "yes! we did it Theresa!" he was screaming at Theresa; and she started to blush.
as Lia and i got up they both jumped on us and Michael said "oh no where you think you guys are going, DOG PILE!" Lia and i got out of the pile and started to laugh at Michael "haha Michael you got to be faster to get the both of us" Lia looked at me and smiled.
after all the horse play we all heading back to our picnic and all sat down and ate the sandwiches Michael had prepared for us. "mmm Michael did is good," Theresa said. "why thank you very much, my mommy made it." he replied. the three of us looked at each other and started to laugh and Michael started to blush "what's so funny?" "sorry Michael it was the way you said mommy haha" i replied and he started to laugh too "haha yeah i know but i love my mommy. " he said.
as we finished up our food.
we sat in a circle and started to talk Theresa had to go home. so Michael walked her home. and Lia and i started to clean up the mess we made. as we were cleaning up i notice her looking at me every once in a while. so i just started at her until she finally locked eyes with me. she looked away real fast. so i got next to her and i pulled her cheeks towards me and we both stared into each other eyes. and she fell closer to me and i started to pull towards her; her eyes closed and mines started to fade as well; i puckered my lips and i was about to kiss her lips. and suddenly my lips touched something flat. i peeked with one eye and all i saw was white so i opened both my eyes and it was a plate; and Michael was holding it "tsk tsk keep it rated G now" as he started to giggle. i blushed and Lia started to blush as well. so Lia and i pushed him and he fell off the table. "haha now where is the love?" he said as he was getting up. Lia smiled and said "its tough love" i started to smiled and i nodded. after cleaning everything up it got dark. so Michael headed home. and i walked Lia home. "Lia? i was wondering if you liked me." i asked "well if i didn't would i of held her hands?" she replied and i looked at her and smiled " of course not" and we both took each others' hands and locked them together.
under the moonlight her face started to glow beautifully. and i felt lucky to be here in this space with her. as we arrived at her house she hugged me and gave me a little peck on my cheeks. i blushed and smirked at her and i watched her walk into her house.
and i started to walk home. i got a phone call from Michael "hello?" i answered "hey Liam, hehe Lia and Liam sitting in the tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g first comes love second comes... uh how does the song go?" i started to laugh and said "good night Michael" and i hung up and i smiled all the way home that night.
as i got ready for bed i looked at my phone and i wanted to call her. but i didn't want to be a burden so i didn't. and i layed in bed. and i was thinking of her and how wonderful she was and how lucky of a guy i am to have her.

part 3 Please Tell Me

i woke up the next day and i had a dream about Lia which is weird because i just met her. but the dream was so vivid and it felt really real. but i didn't care to go into it much so i just got ready for school. and oh yeah I'm walking Lia to school today; i smiled as i started to rush so i can meet up with her in time.
"bye mom I'll see you later," i said as i walked out of the house. as i was speed walking down the street i saw her in front of her house waiting for me. i smiled and started to walk a little bit faster. "morning Lia," i said to her "hi Liam," she said.
"so what took you so long Liam?" she said, "what do you mean?" i replied, "its almost time for school." i looked at my watched and it was fifteen minutes until class; so i looked at her and scratched my head and started to blush "I'm sorry i guess i lost track of time this morning." i said, "it's OK we should start going now" she replied, and we started to walk off. and this time she walked really close to me. and i just looked over like i wasn't trying to look and i smirked and looked away. and this breeze flew right by us and i covered my eyes and when i opened it to her, her hair was flowing in the wind; she looked beautiful. and she turned to me and smiled. i blushed again but this time i couldn't turn away because she already saw me.she held my arms and started to walk a little faster "i hope you don't mind me holding you," she said "i am OK with it" deep inside i felt like the happiest guy in the world.
"LIAM! WHAT TOOK SO LONG?" Michael screamed running towards us. "morning Michael, you are very perky today" i said. "hi Lia! you walk with Liam to school?" he said.
"oh Liam, lives down the street from me so it was convenient to walk together" she replied. "psst Liam you lucky dog," Michael said as he was nudging me. and i just started to blush.
we all went to class and we had new sitting arrangement. "class its time to switch seats, so I'll let you pick and i hope you wont regret picking it, if you get caught not paying attention you'll be holding books with your head." Mr.Bryan said to us.
so of course Michael grabbed four seats for him,Lia and i. "Michael what's with the forth seat?" i asked. "you will see," as he smiled at me. "excuse me? is it OK if i sat with you guys?" Theresa asked. Theresa is a shy girl that likes Michael and we all think Michael likes her too but he wont admit to it. "YES! you can sit next to me," Michael screamed at her. "MICHAEL QUIET DOWN!" Mr.Bryan screamed. Lia and i just laughed at him.
so it was settle i saw with Lia and Michael sat with Theresa. "i like this table the best table eva!" Michael said. Theresa and Lia just smiled at us.
class started and i stared out the window as the lecture was going on. and i turned over and looked at Lia and she was looking at me, our eyes caught and she looked away. i just kept looking waiting for her to turn back. and while i was waiting for her to turn back. Michael threw a eraser at my head. "ow.. Michael why did you throw that?" i said, "stop looking at my future wife" he exclaimed. "i wasn't looking at your future wife i was looking at Lia." i said "well stop it" he said and threw the eraser again. this time it missed and fell onto the floor. as i was reaching for it Lia reached down too and she grabbed my hands and she looked up at me. she got up and turned away. i smiled and just pretended nothing happen.
"lunch time! time to munch!!!!!" Michael screamed as he ran to the lunch line. and Theresa followed him. Lia and i sat on the bench and started to talk. "Liam? is it weird we get along so well?" she asked me "actually no, because you are the first girl i got along with so well." i replied. she smiled and ate her lunch and i ate mines. "LIAM!" Michael screamed as he ran towards me and Theresa was chasing him "MICHAEL YOU PERVERT!!!" she screamed too. and as he was running he threw me a mirror and he ran into the boys restroom. "MICHAEL YOU CANT HIDE IN THERE FOREVER!"
she was screaming as she was panting. Lia looked at me clueless and i smiled and said "uh, Michael is not your typical guy.." "he is a little pervert" Lia looked at me and smiled "its fine, as long as he doesn't try anything on me." and she sat a little closer.
my phone rang and it was Michael "Liam can you come into the bathroom please?" she asked. "OK hold on" i said. "hey Lia I'll be right back." and i walked to the bathroom. Theresa was glaring at me and i kinda got creeped out so i ran into the bathroom. "Liam you have to help me." Michael said, "what happen? and what is with this mirror?" i asked. "well in the lunch line there was a guy behind her with that mirror and he tapped it to his shoe and he was looking up her skirt," as he was telling me "ah i see and what happen when you saw?" i asked. "well i got mad so i reached down and grabbed the mirror and while i was doing it Theresa looked down and she thought i was looking up her skirt." he said. "why dint you just tell her it was a misunderstanding?" i asked, "well i cant when she is chasing me" he replied.
"well lets go out and tell her what happen" i told him. and we both walked out the bathroom and Theresa was sitting with Lia and they were talking.
and Theresa looked back at us and she didn't look hostile anymore.
"Theresa? I'm very sorry for what happened but it wasn't what you think." Michael said.
she frowned so Michael asked her to walk with him so he can explain.
"i hope everything will be OK." i said "i hope so too, she is nice" Lia said.
after lunch we back into class. and everything seemed fine now.
during the lecture i tuned everything out and i started to day dream.
"Liam" this faint whisper i heard "Liammmm" then i heard it again. and [BAM]
i woke up and i looked up it was Mr.Bryan with a book he hit my head with. "did you have a nice sleep?" he said to me, i kind of looked down and he said "as i was saying" and he went up with his lecture.
i looked over at Lia and she was giggling at me.
school was finally over and we all sat in the front waiting for Michael to get picked up. "Liam thank you for the save today." Michael said to me "no problem anytime." i replied. "well bye you guys I'll see you next week." Theresa said and walked off. Michael grabbed her hands and turned around "Theresa, i was wondering if you wanted to go to the park with us?" he asked. i looked at him because what is this we. "yes i would" she said very shyly. and she walked off. "well Liam, I'll pick you up tomorrow." Michael said as he winked to me and he walked towards his car. "aha that's Michael for you." i said faintly. "oh? what do you mean by that?" Lia asked. "well there wasn't a plan tomorrow but Michael just made one without asking so like him ha ha" i replied. she smiled at me "Lia? do you have anything to do tomorrow?" i asked her "actually, no i don't" she replied "would you like to come with us to the park? we can have a picnic the four of us," i said "why yes i would love to come" she started to blush. and she held my arms again as we walked off the school ground. and i felt ease when shes around me its weird. and today is my second day with her. it felt like I've known her forever..
"bye Lia, I'll come and get you tomorrow" i said as i walked her to her gate. "OK this time don't be late." she said and walked in.
i finally got home and i was tired.. so i went to shower and ate my dinner with my mom. after dinner i said in my room and Michael called me and i picked up "Liam, I'm picking you up tomorrow and Lia as well." he said "wait how did you know Lia is coming?" i asked Shockley "dude I'm Michael come on ha ha i know everything," he replied
"and Liam i got my mom to make picnic stuff for us, all you have to bring is a blanket for us to sit on." he said "OK I'll talk to you later." and we hung up, Michael always finds a way to amaze me but at least i know he will never bore us.
it was getting late so i lie in bed and i felt tomorrow will be a day i will remember for the rest of my life.

part 2 Please Tell Me

today i walked to school and i was wondering if i would ever meet her again.
after i didn't get her name; my friend Michael jumped on my back and pushed me
"hurry you walk slow lets get to class before we are late" i grinned and started running with him. in class we were waiting for our teacher to come (he is always late). i stared out the window and just watch birds sitting on the tree.
"good morning class!" Mr. Bryan said to us. " GOOD MORNING MR. BRYAN!!!" Michael screamed out loud, ha ha Michael for some reason always challenge Mr. Bryan but no one knows why.
"i have special announcement for you guys," he said to us. i just listened to what he said and i kept staring out the window. "we have a new student today!" Michael screamed out loud "WHERE!" the classed laughed and started to tell him to shut up.
Michael smiled at us like he didn't do anything wrong.
"like i was saying class she is on her way she is kind of late" Mr. Bryan said to us
so after all that we just started class.
i stared out the window and i saw her. she was running towards my school. and i just wonder what was her hurry.
a minute later i heard the fire alarm goes off.
we all ran onto the court yard. " YES! we are missing class thank you fire alarm."
Michael said out loud to us. we all stared at the school and waited to go back in. and then i saw her coming out of the school; she was blushing and she was walking with the principal. "Students, teachers it was an false alarm; this young lady accidentally tripped and grabbed onto the fire alarm." the principal said to us, " psst Liam i think shes hot!" i looked at him with amazement and smiled "Michael you think everyone is hot," "hahaha that's very true," Michael replied.
after we all went back to class. and Michael was dragging me for some reason so i just went along with it.
he pushed me in my chair and i looked at him and said "Michael you know i don't swing that way" and then i gave him the death stare. "hahaha Liam you flatter me; but that's not that point that girl she is new!," he glared at me "of course she is we never met her; well at least you didn't" i replied. "LIAM YOU ASS! you are telling me spoke to her?" he questioned me. "well i ran into her at the store the other day, i didn't know it meant anything." i said, "Liam! you don't hide these things from me..." Michael starts to cry. "Michael you are such a drama queen." i glared at him. "but that's why you love me." Michael tried to kiss me after.. he is soo hands on.
"class please settle down, lets get back to business." Mr.Bryan said, "now who took my agenda?" Mr.Bryan asked.
"psst Liam, look what i got," Michael said. "Michael you are an idiot.. give it back to him now." i said. "NEVER!" Michael screamed out loud, "ah there it is why thank you Michael." Mr.Bryan said, Michael looked at me with the defeat in his eyes and i just laughed at him.
"excuse me?" she said, "yes? and who are you?" Mr. Bryan asked, "i am your new student." she said; i stared at her and was surprise there she was in my classroom as a new student. why i must be a lucky guy to meet her again.
"ah i see, well its about to be lunch time so you can introduce yourself to the class after lunch." Mr. Bryan said to her, "OK" she said in a whispering voice.
as we all walked out for lunch i saw her sitting by herself so i walked up to her; she looked up at me and smile and said "hey it's you again." i smiled at her and started to ask "the last time we met i didn't get your name; is it alright if i can get it now?" oh my gosh.. i sound like a stalker.. "my name is Lia, and what is yours?" she smiled at me. "my name is Liam," and i sat down next to her. and it happened again the feeling of ease with her. she is the only person i ever felt this way with.
"HEY LIAM!" Michael screamed as he ran towards me, he ran pretty fast never seen him run as fast as this before. and he slipped over my bag and fell onto his face. and i didn't want to laugh so i just grinned "Michael you are such a klutz," i said to him. "Liam, is he OK?" Lia asked, "yeah he is fine he always falls its Michael for you."
Michael got up and looked at us and grinned "so Liam, who is your new friend?" he asked. "hi, my name is Lia, nice to meet you." she replied.
it was time to go back to class so the three of us walked in together and i held up Michael because his legs were hurting, figures. and in class she introduced herself and i just felt happy i had the chance to meet her again.
"YIPPEE! class is finally over" Michael screamed out loud, i smiled at him for being his goofy self and we walked out onto the court yard and mike got picked up by his mom "bye Liam and it was nice to meet you Lia!" he said as he ran off.
we waved goodbye and we sat on a bench after. "so Lia,how was your first day?" i asked her "it was fine and it got better when i saw you" she replied. i looked at her with a weird face because i wasn't expecting that answer.
"Liam, can i ask you something?" she asked "yes you can." i said. "is it alright if we walk home?" she asked me, i smiled "of course we can, shall we go?" we both got up and started walking out of the school.
most of the walk i couldn't say anything to her but i kept looking at her. but all she was doing was staring at the trees we passed by. i smiled because i felt lucky i was able to walk her home. "Liam?" she said "yes Lia?" "thank you for walking with me" she smiled "its no biggy" i laughed and kept walking. i looked at her one more time but this time we caught eyes and just looked away and i heard her giggling.
"we are here" she said "wow" i replied "you live really close to me" i said. "really? where do you live?" she asked "i live a few houses down." i replied. "that's great, you can walk to school and home everyday then" she smiled, i looked at her and just nodded "bye bye Liam and thank you again," she walked away from me "bye bye Lia" i said as i walked off too.
i walked home and i smiled because the girl i like lives pretty close to me.

part 1 Please Tell Me

i was a loner at school and all my friends were never close enough
i drifted from place to place
and one day i was sitting on my porch
and i got bored so i walked to the store
and the whole time i tried walking without looking up
and i finally got to the front of the store and i hit something with my head
"ouch that hurts" she said, i looked up and i saw her
her eyes stared at mines
and i asked her " are you ok?"
and she smiled and said to me " you should be more careful"
i looked away and said " im sorry"
she got up and walked into the store
i turned back and followed her in
and all of a sudden i forgot what i wanted to do. and i just wanted to see more of her
she turned back a few times and smiled at me
we both stopped in the cereal aile and she turned around and asked me " what is your favorite cereal?"
i looked around and said
" uh, i think my favorite cereal is lucky charms."
she looked at my with amazingment and said " that is mines too"
we both reached for the box and i accidently touched her hands
i turned away and blushed
she giggled and grab the box and walked away
i have never met her before but she made me smile without even trying

i dont want to love anymore

no, i dont want to be in love anymore..
i hate where im at but what else can i do?
when my heart, my soul just moved on without me..
no, i dont want to be in love anymore
i lost my time with an angel from above
no, no i dont want it anymore..

no, i dont want to forget you this time
when you have already owned my mind
when you are apart of me
no, i dont want to lose you
yet i dont want to love anymore
no, no i dont want to love anymore

you should know by now.. that i can not live without you
you are the apple in my tree we belong like the tides and sea
no, i dont want to hurt anymore..
how does it feel to forget to let your heart beat..
no oh no, i dont want to love you anymore..

for catherine :]

I got to say I need to find a girl like you
Who has happy and has spunk like you
Who can chase cars and climb trees because we got nothing to do
And we lay in the grass staring at the empty sky because we think its cool
We play tag in the dark because people hate it when we do
School is our playground you’re my queen and im the fool
How cool.

Life is too short for love

i walked a thousand miles just to see you smile..
ive seen many things i can not talk about
but no matter what pain ive endure its never enough
to show you i love you
it broke my heart when we both walked away
from what we both knew was right

if i can kiss your face once more
and if i can hold you close in my arms..
i know that you will feel it too this love we both share
what we both know is there..
im tired of walking alone in this empty world..
ive search many life time and i finally found you girl

it sucks sometimes you dont notice me like you use too
it sucks when you're in his arms.. thinking of me..
i hold my heart up to you and you just shot it down.
i cry these tears that you can not see..
i sit on our favorite spot and just watch time forget us..

i am on my own from where i am standing
and im walking these thousand miles one more
to search to find something beautiful
some times i feel life is too short for love..
but its to long to live without it.

lucky me

have you wonder why the sky is so blue?
and why we always collide the way that we do?
it always seems we belong together because we are so true
you make me stronger, better because you are my boo.
i feel so lost and im not by you
and im glad i have someone to say i love you.

[chorus]
you were always there for me.
you have always been my all
you are always on my mind.
you are my shooting star

ive chased many clouds just to have a dream about a girl
who would come and save me from this cruel world
came along an angel from above here to save my day
the taste of your lips took my breathe away
real love, true love i know you are here to stay
what we have is real and i feel it will never fade

[chorus]
you were always there for me.
you have always been my all
you are always on my mind.
you are my shooting star

i'll never break your heart because you are forever mines
god gave you to me for a reason so i wont let our love be blind
when i hear you say "i love you" i know its the best sign
that you and i belong together just like the earth and sky
when you are in my arms for me to hold i begin to cry
because out of everyone in the world i am your guy

[chorus]
you were always there for me.
you have always been my all
you are always on my mind.
you are my shooting star
[chorus]
you were always there for me.
you have always been my all
you are always on my mind.
you are my shooting star

disease

the disease that ate my heart whole..
and now its after my soul..
i lost myself im out of control
im not me yet no one knows..

when will it all end.. so i can stop to pretend.
let my wounds heal and mend
so i can be me again.
everyone thinks im losing it but they comprehend..

all the feelings thats eating my inside..
my tears falls yet i dont cry
i lost everything especially what is mine.
you thought i was wrong but i knew we were right

everytime you arent holding my hands i only picture you holding them.
and when im alone in the car i always see you next to me.
and all day everyday.. you're the only one that goes through my head
and when i close my eyes its you that i only see.

oh why cant we be together? why can we be forever?
you know, i know we both belong together..
because when im not with you i feel like im in danger
and when you are next to me i feel its forever

im tired of dreaming the same dream that you dream too
lets be one so i can always love you
its been awhile and i know we are both true
at the end of it all i only want me and you.

Please Tell Me rough summary.

boy who always felt alone in the world
even with his own friends.

one day he walked to the store and bumped into this girl
they fell in love when their eyes caught

they spent each day with each other
and at night he would sneak out to see her

they walked to school together and he would walk her home.
he felt like everything is in place.

one day he was sitting with her in the park where they first kissed
and he asked her a question

that day on they never spoke again yet he was still in love with her.
and he knows she loves him as well..

stand-still

i ran from the world, i walked away from this girl..
i left with no sound, and now my heart is on the ground.
i picked up all that was left, i still love you i must confess
i feel as though im at a stand-still, because you arent by my side to heal
all the pain all the hurt i go through, everything and anything i only want you
the tears that falls from this face, only shows ive been in many place.

there are good times, sad times, and tough times.. but i always wanted you with me..
i may not show it and i might of been blind, but i think of it constantly
if i lost my memories i will never ever forget you
and if i have to give up my life, i'll do it only if i can be beside you
i dream searching for my dreams but my dreams is only in you
i want to move forward in life but it isnt as important as being in love with you

always be around

its a happy day its just a beatiful day ay
everytimmmmme each time you are coming my way ay
the sun can noooooooooooot shine as bright as you ou
and your smile is all you have to doooo

you can sit beside meeeeeeeee when the world falls down... i'll always be here i'll always be around.
you can hold my hands anytime..
and baby i promise you; you'll always be mine

its a lovely day such a wonderful day ay
each time i wake up to your beautiful face
the moon can nooooooot glow as much as you..
and your eyes sings a million songs to me.

and you can sit beside meeeeeee when the world falls down. i'll always be here i'll always be around.
you can hold my hands anytime!
and baby i promise you; you'll always be mine.
and you can sit beside meeeeeee when the world falls down. i'll always be here i'll always be around.
you can hold my hands anytime!
and baby i promise you; you'll always be mine.

forever and ever i'll be the only one thats holding you.
and in your eyes your eyes.. i know this is true..
i know now the world moves faster
but through all the hurt and disaster..
i know that i'll always be with you.

stolen

im standing in the rain again..
and my ankle is drowning in it.
and my tears begins to fade into the rain.
and i know now things will never be the same.

even though you locked the door..
you locked me out of my own heart.
i never thought you'd be a whore...
to steal everything you have got.

i will never get use to this..
i will never get to have you again..
i know now love is extinct..
all that replaced it was pain.

each night i roll around in bed..
each time i think of the words you last said
" i love you forever i promise"
i never thought forever wasnt that long..

you had to leave.. and its all i can see..
and you said our love was blind..
but sometimes your impossible..
because you didnt believe in you and me.

im tired of playing this game, i want out
i want out, but i dont know how
and im still here when you arent around..
and i lost my voice, and i hear no sound.

you took away my life and all that i know..
im here restless with no where to go..
and im ready to run..
im drifting where the wind blows..

im no superman

after everything ive been though..
after all the things ive seen..
ive fallen to pieces..
and ive been where ive been..

i had many broken hearts
i had many new starts..
ive been in many relationships..
yet i havent perfected the art..

i cried almost all my life..
watching people come and go.
and after all that ive seen..
ive learned to keep away from what i know.

the season changes
the days get older..
time doesnt stop for anyone.
i should of seen it sooner.

after picking myself up everytime i fall..
cleaning my wounds yet remain scars..
i know now, i can not do it all.
im no superman.

dedicated to Ly Nguyen

Every moment that your not sharing the same oxygen..
It feels like i can not breathe; im suffocating..

Every moment that your not sharing the same night skies..
It feels like forever keeps us in a endless line..

Every moment that your not in my arms..
It feels like im growing weaker instead of growing strong..

I miss you a whole lot more than you can tell
Yet i dont show it ; because i dont want you to feel this way as well..

I love you more than i can ever explain..
Yet we are thousands of miles away..
Our love is the love that people search a lifetime for..
And i am truly happy that i can finally stop searching..

Because the greatest gift of all...










































...is you<3

Nothing is perfect.

what if i became a mute can you hear me shout?
listen to my words and hear me out.
what if i was blind can you see what i see?
glare at the sight of who i use to be..
what if i cant walk would you walk in my shoes?
walk a thousand miles to see what i do..
what if i lost my life.. would you live mines for me?
try to fix the problems that seems to consume me.


Nothing in life is perfect..
But live this life and find whats worth it..
Living this life alone is dark and depressing..
Find the one for me. or you will be regretting..

hidden

if you would like to read part 5 of the love story
im me for info if i agree to show. besides that its not shown to the eyes of the public.

epilogue of the love story

when you have found the one thing you have always searched for
dont be stupid like me and let it pass by.
it was the most foolish thing i had done.
and now each night i sleep and wake up to cries.


turn around turn around, lets turn the hands of time.
take back take back, lets take back what was mines.
the love what still sparks in my soul
the love that has fallen for you, girl.
the closest thing you can be to me is a best friend..
one day someday lets let the wounds mend.

part 4 of the love story

i went to my friends birthday dinner and i sat with someone i crushed on last year.
we talked and i started to crush on her more. and each time we did something she was there. and i fell for her even harder. i was friends with Suong that was friends with Alix that was friends with her. and we had a group called LATA. i was really fond of it because it was all my closest friends in one group.

i started to fall her LYLY more and more. and she started to feel the same for me.
and one night as we were hanging out i asked her if she would be my girlfriend.
and she said yes on August 12,2007. and that day on i did everything with her.
watch movies and hanging out.

i thought i had finally found it. but before i can make sure of it.

my mom and i got into a fight. and i was sent away once more. i was sent back to California again. but i was living on my own. my aunt help take care of me but she can do so much. i worked at my uncle's friends place and went to school. and each holiday i would visit LYLY.

and each time my boss disliked it. so after Christmas he let me go. and i was jobless so i couldn't pay for much anymore. i was out looking for jobs but it was really hard for my age. 17 living on my own and without a guardian. so i told my LYLY what situation i was in. and she said she would help me because she wants me back with her.

so she told me she had found a place for me and everything. i had told my aunt. and she let me go. as i arrived i had nothing. she was fooled the place i was suppose to stay at was a bust. so her and i kind of ran away for a little bit. her parents knew about a guy but didn't think it was me. so in a way i was safe.

and LYLY's sister said for me to live with her; so LYLY's family knows she is safe. and that's where i stayed. i went to school and found a job.
but i couldn't work and go to school because i had to pay rent as well. i asked my mom to help me but she gave me the cold shoulder.
so i dropped out of school so i can make a living.
i guess i was fine with it because i was with my lover. and i loved her very much.

we went to the beach. with our friends and that was the first time ever i went to a beach with someone i loved. we played with the sand and swam together. and i had the biggest smile on my face.

as time progressed so did my time too. i felt like i am not doing well enough for us both. and my step dad came to visit me. so i asked him if it was OK if i moved with him so i can better myself. but for my choice there is a consequence. i would have to lose LYLY. but if i do this i might be able to give us a future. but i didn't think she thought of it like that.

i moved to Houston with my dad and i lived with him and my sister. i didn't like my dads gf nor their little daughter either. but as long as me and my sister was together i was fine.

2 weeks had pass and LYLY called and told me that she was moving to Houston too. she was moving here for school just like me. and i was REALLY happy to hear that. because i was reunited with my girlfriend once more. it was still summer so we had our fun's. went to the malls and where ever our minds took us.

and as the summer began to fade away. my real dad wanted me to live with him. and i was bleh about it because i never met the man. but my aunt had because i asked her too. and she said he was a nice guy, and i should give him a chance. so i did. and with that choice i had lost LYLY once more.

i had told her the news and she was sad and irritated. because she moved here for me and I'm moving away from her. which i think made her think i didn't love her like she loved me but i really truly did. as the days got older. i spent most of it with her.
i did everything i can with her. and on my last day there; she took me ice skating. and it was the first time i did that with a love as well. she also bought me a black cap that i really wanted.

and as she took me to the airport i sat with her and said how much i loved her and she said the same to me.
as i was getting into the corridors i turned around and she was gone. it made me sad but i know she had better things to do.
but as i was getting on the plane. i only teared i didn't cry. because i remember the last time i ever cried like this was when i moved away from Lily.

i was on the plane and thought of how can i love LYLY if i still love Lily..
it made me sad because I'm not even sure if i loved LYLY like i loved her.
but i still love her a lot. and she was all i got when everyone left me.

as i got to California i stayed with my aunt that night. and the next day i was with my dad. i talked to LYLY on the phone everyday because i didn't want her love for me to fade. day after day she grew apart from us. but i never lost love in her.

and one night she was on the phone with me and she told me what she had done...
which stunned me really bad.. she had cheated on me. we were on a break but we were still together. and she had done something i wouldn't of thought she would..
a few days later i let her go. but her memories still drowned my mind.
and till this day i still cant let her go. even what she did. i still love her.

part 3 of the love story

i sat on the plane waiting to land in a new life that was giving to me.
and my mom picked me up and she was oh so happy to see me.
as we were on the ride to my new home. i couldn't stop thinking of lily..
i wonder what she was doing and how she is.
but i never spoke of it out loud. because no one needs to know my burden.
a week later my 4th had broken up with me because of the distance between us.
i cried but it made her happy because she wanted someone closer.
and i let her go i didn't fight for her didn't even bother..

i went to my new school and again i felt lonely as ever..
but my summer fling attend the same school so she told everyone not to pick on me.
heh.. is that suppose to make me feel better?
i met my friend from elementary way back in the days. i couldn't believe he still remembers me.
so i hung out with them and just sat around. and in class i was the Asian kid in the background.

my mom's boyfriend had a little brother about my age Dee. he showed me around he became a close friend to me. and i use to play a game he plays a lot. and it was cs.
and i started to play more and more and that's how i met my 5th. Hang was her name, she lived in ft worth, and i lived in New Orleans. but we made it work 3 months in the relationship i felt like we had much in common, and my mom went to visit my sister so she took me to see my girlfriend. i stayed with her for thanksgiving. and while i was with her. i had lost myself to her. didn't want to didn't need to. but she wanted to. and i loved her and i believed she was someone i was going to marry. so i gave myself to her.

my mom picked me up after the holidays was over and i was back at home talking to her. and i still thought of lily but we stopped talking. which made me sad but its fine shes happier without me. During Christmas i took a greyhound to visit her. i loved her a lot so i did anything for her. i stayed at her house again and her mom was eh about it. but she showed me to her close girlfriends and i was fine with that. we had fun and we fought a little over small things. but that's how all relationships are.

i took the greyhound back home and after awhile she lost interest in me. because i was too far. and she ended up cheating on me with this guy. i cried of course. and i hated myself for letting it happen.. i started to pop pills and misuse drugs. and i became accustom to them. my mom didn't know or she did but didn't say a thing. and i had no one to run to. because my best friends were in San Jose. so i made friends with the pills.

i always went out so i didn't have to be at home thinking of my sorrow over it. and i met Henry who became my closest friend in New Orleans. he talked to me when i was feeling down and depress to the max.. he was all i had.

another year and i felt so alone. never got rid of the pain that consumed me. i met someone but i didnt know what to think of it. her name was Pooh we had so much in common she liked me and i liked her. but she had someone else. Monkey some nympho that had won her heart somehow. so i met Donut. someone that wasnt my girlfriend she was my kick it buddy. someone who was there to do the boyfriend and girlfriend stuff but not the title.
we were doing fine. until we went over our promise. and we were not suppose to fall in love. we did so i had to push her away because i wasnt ready for it.

part 2 of the love story

first year of high school and i came with a broken heart.. and it hurts seeing my lily with someone like him. but you were happy so i was happy for you. and i kept my love to myself and never spoke of it again. and i was being my stupid self and somehow i caught an eye of another. we passed notes and i wrote her poems. she became my 4th lover. i felt happy yet i wasnt.. i popped pills and the was foolish.. i took money from my uncle so i can get Jessika gifts.. and for my action i was i was being sent to my mom.

but before i went i slept over my 4th's house and we talked and watched movie. and as we went to bed i slept outside of her room and she slept in her room with my cousin. she came out and said talked to me about how she is going to miss me; she teared.. but i couldnt shed a single one. i loved her i really did. but i didnt lover her like i loved lily.

a few weeks later lily invited me to her sister's 21st birthday. and we were setting it up. and as we were we were having fun. lily looked at me with those special eyes of hers. and i saw that spark still in there. as we danced the night away her aunt took me home. and in the car ride. she held my hands. i shed a little tear.. because she wasnt my girl she was his. that was the last night i saw her.

part 1 of the love story.

oh how i hated my first year of middle school.
always get picked on and was always the class fool.
and all the girls never thought i was that cool.
but they kept me around to be their friends.
all that will be and all that is.

i moved to a new school a year later.
i was new and i felt like a stranger. walking around with no one i knew. but in english class i met a friend i knew from elementary school.
i made some friends in other classes but i stuck with what i knew.
each day was the same, going in and out of this school i was bound to.
and i felt like how i use to feel..
just a kid that took up space. whats new.

as the year progressed i made a name for myself
and i was included with most. i felt happy. and at the end of the year i met my first. someone i liked for awhile and she finally became my girlfriend.
first day of summer we went to the mall and took a picture with all of our friends.
i felt at ease because i was included.

as the summer went on by so did her love for me. but instead of her breaking up with me.. it was her friend who did the job. i cried my heart out because i thought she was the one. but maybe i had to let go because we are young.
my cousin always came over because she had nothing better to do.
but thats when i met her, thats when i met you. each day you came over just to hang out and i would steal you from my cousin. and we played in the streets and sat on the curve staring at trees. yet when you are around i felt at ease.

but i didnt think you would like a boy like me. so i left it in the summer and started this new year. and saw my ex with my friend which somehow still hurted me so. but i know what we had was nothing so i let it go.
i saw you with your friends as i was with mines. but i couldnt get you out of my mind. no matter how far i went or was sitting in class.
we both knew we both liked each other. but you are too perfect to be with a boy like me.

so i met this girl who i dont even know. she became my 2nd. what a waste it was because we didnt talk nor did anything special.

and im sorry lily for hurting you the way i did. yet after it you still forgave me. you became my 3rd. you were my first of mostly everything like i was your first of everything. we had everything we wanted. yet while i was with you i felt like this was too good to be true. so i found a way to fcuk it up. i found a new.
i didnt know what i was doing or what i did to you. but after everything you still had a smile on your face and wished the best for me. i felt guilty. i came back after, i came back for you. and we were on and off. we still were one. after everything ive done.

i went to a dance and i wasnt your date. you were with another but i stole you from him and my friends helped. we had fun and you were my first "under the mistletoe kiss."

yet again i felt like you are too good for me. so i left once more.
this time i dont know why but i did..
this time it broke your heart. you werent the same. and afterall i was the one to blame. i felt ashamed i felt impaired.. that i killed my lily who was always there,for me no matter what. i became what i didnt want to be i became a slut.


but after, we were still talking. and we still liked each other. and i had to go for the summer i had to visit my mother. new orleans was fun and i met another. and i was stupid to feel she was a potential lover.
summer flings caught me by suprised.. but you werent fond of hearing it.

after i came back i came to my senses.. i knew you were my one my only. the night i figured it out i was a night too late.. because before i can tell you. you called me that morning crying. "why are you crying lily?" you cried even harder and i said "take your time." because no one has cried over the phone so i didnt know what to do.
but you said " colin, i dont think i love you anymore" i crashed and burned before i even saw the naked sun.. but before everything was truly over i gave you a book of poems i wrote for you. it was my gift. because i couldnt give you anymore.

ordinary

its another day just another ordinary day.
shes a girl, just another ordinary girl
but why does she make me feel this way?
she seem so extraordinary in this ordinary world.

i just, just want to take her hands and run away
from this world from this ordinary day.
she smiles at me and makes everything ok.
and when im with her i dont want it to fade away

her parents are ordinary, ordinary just like mines.
but shes so amazing how can this ordinary boy be so blind.
ordinary dreams just before she steps onto the scene
this ordinary boy is in love with her extraordinary eyes.

i thought everything in this world is ordinary but look at this love.
extraordinary, constantly i always have you above
and when we dance i lose myself in the thoughts of you..
smiling, im greatful to even have you.

ordinary boy in this ordinary world
found this extraordinary person fell in love with this girl.
i gave my heart to her like she gave her heart to me.
lucky to have found her im lucky to be me.

today i am officially alone.

when poetry isnt enough... and when they called all your bluffs..
and they found the diamonds in the rough so tough.
i find myself here finally, for sure. alone.
im staying in the darkness i was born in.
and forever isnt enough without the beginning.
and as im falling apart, falling to pieces my heart shatters
in a million pieces. i miss this

i drank the poison that was giving to me..
and now its all gone and im left here to bleed
door slams and broken mirrors... and now i cant possibly see it any clearer
my time is up and im facing the grim reaper..
you guys have won and im the loser.
always been should of seen it from the start..
could of sparred all these broken hearts

being invisble should of been my game..
stayed away from all these hurts and pains
and now im lying here lifeless with none to gain.
all the words that cut a hole in me.. ashamed.
and everyone is gone and i still remain.
in this life i was born in.
no one can, nothing can save me from what i became..
staring at the skies with my heart in hand
goodbye isnt easy but its all that remains.

see me dead in the bed that floats in the ground
alone just like the way we came here. no sound
im tired of speaking... when theres no one to hear me out.
the louder i cry the louder i shout
its all the same...

stupid cupid

im naked... in this world..
and if im gone.. would you know
im shaking.. from this cold.
and if im running.. would you follow?

this time cupid shot the wrong two.
broken hearts is all i can show for it..
and im left here without knowing the truth..
did you love me the way you said you did..
or was i the only one chasing you..

the future is openwide.. but my life has died..
and stuck trying to cope these lies..
realise now i have to compromise...
the thoughts that cloud my eyes..

its harder to prove whats right than whats wrong..
and i lost everything i thought that wouldnt be gone.
and its been a while since i sang our song..
inevitable my life was taken away..
from the sunlight that drowned my skies

invisible

today is gone.. and tomorrow is bleeding.
and im all alone because no one needs me.
and stuck in this spot.. when the world moves freely.
how am i suppose to find my place.. with my heart is empty.

life is dead to me.. how am i suppose to find the light?
when all that consumes me is the darkest of night.
i lived upon the failures of me and others.. is that life?
i hate everything that surrounds me.. is that right?

staring at these pictures of who i use to be...
no more smiles, and no more of this happy.
pushed everyone away so i can try to find me.
but at the end of the day im not who you want to see

broken dreams that just wont fade away..
pours more despair as it floods my days.
in the eyes of the arch angels cry..
i know my time is almost up. goodbye

happy birthday

my dad woke me up today and wanted to take me out all afternoon
so i got up and got ready as fast as i can.
he told me " we aren't in no rush Danny"
i smiled at him and said " OK let me go brush my teeth, and we can go"
he smiled at me and went downstairs to wait

i got downstairs and there was a cake for me " happy birthday Danny!" i was in shock because i wouldn't think he would remember.
we sat and ate the cake and when we finished we got into the car
"well Danny, I'm taking you to the aquarium because i know you love fish," he said. i smiled at him and asked " is mom going to be there?"
"she is already there, we are meeting with her." as we drove off i was staring at the clouds and just started to day dream.

" we are here Danny." my dad said to me. we got out and i saw my mom; so i ran and gave her a hug. we got in line. we got in and first thing i saw was the jelly fish. and my mom and dad was standing behind me holding each other. we walked around for awhile and i saw every fish i wanted to. and after that we went to eat spaghetti ( i love spaghetti ) and while we were eating the people that works at the restaurant brought out a cake and sang happy birthday to me. i was so happy that they thought of that.

and when we got home. my dad told me to get ready for bed. so i did and got into bed and waited for a bedtime story :]
he came into my room and told me to pick a book he wanted me to read. so i picked a book called Caroline. and as he was reading it to me. i was snuggling under his arms. and when he was done. he smiled at me and kissed me goodnight. and turned off the light.

" WAKE UP YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING!" my step dad was yelling at me. " WHY ARE YOU NOT DOING ANYTHING AROUND THE HOUSE!" he slapped me.. and grabbed me by the neck and said " I'm not your dad so don't think I'll love you like he did." he dropped me and walked out of the room. i cried and i went under my bed to grab my book coroline. and inside of it, i had a picture of my dad and a front page of a news paper. " daddy.. why did you have to go?" " DANNY, YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING COME GET MY DINNER READY!" he was screaming from downstairs. i put my book away and wiped away my tears and said " I'm coming.."as i opened the door my mom looked at me with tasteless eyes and pushed me down the stairs.. " hurry up don't make him anymore angry." she said to me.
" OK mom."

when they both went to sleep and i cleaned up everything they wanted me too.. i went back into my room and opened the book and read the letter he left on my birthday.

Danny happy birthday! i love you and i always will. i will never ever leave you alone and never planning on it. you are my sunshine.

-dad

and i picked up the front page of the news paper and it read

November 15, 2001

a man was in a automobile and his breaks failed on him. and he rolled onto a train track while there was a train heading his way. the doors we're stuck and he was trapped inside.

" dad you never left me, you are just waiting for me on the other side." " I'm coming daddy" and i pulled out a knife i hid under the bed and i put a chair in front of the door. and i sat on my bed with tears in my eyes and i smiled. " daddy I'm coming home." and i closed my eyes and slit my throat. and i was lying there fading into my sleep. i saw my dad in the light waiting for me. as i ran to him. he opened his arms and said " I'm sorry my son i didn't want it to be this way." i smiled and said " dont worry, I'm with you again and that's all that matters." we both walked into the light.


November 15, 2003

a boy was found dead in his room. suicide by cut throat. and pictures of his father was scattered around the room. and noted they both died on the same day. also that today is Danny's birthday.

his love story

when we use to be kids and i was sitting behind you in class..
i use to stare at you and when you saw i turned away and laughed.
i loved waiting with you for our bus to come..
and maybe i was too young to even know this was love.
one day waiting for the bus it started to rain. and we had no umbrella
and i looked over and saw you with a sad look on your face
so i put my hands over your head to cover you from the rain
you looked at me with your special eyes and smiled that melted my heart.
i knew then i've done something that made you happy.

from that day on i walked you home when we got off the bus.
and i held your hands we giggled because this was new to us
each day i waited for you at the bus stop where we stand.
and you came walking with a bigger smile each day
you looked at me with your mesmerizing eyes..
sparkled like the stars brighter than the sky
on the bus we sat together and stared out the window..
talked about what we wanted when we grow up.
and who we wanted to be

in class i would write love notes and pass them to you
and it sucked when the teacher would find them and read it out loud
it embarrassed me so i looked away and grinned :]
at lunch we ate together your best friend and my best friend too
and i held your hands under the table because i liked you
we sat and talked about if we would always be like this..
and i told you of course always forever, promised with a kiss
you smiled and hugged me tight..and i knew we will always be alright.

we got older and went to highschool
instead of taken the bus we drove in car pools
instead of holding hands i held you by the waist. and our kissing went up a few levels..
and love hasnt felt anymore real than this. our talks became more vidal and meant so much more.
and went out for longer sitting in the dark at beach line shores.
i told myself i wanted you and nothing more.

as we got older so did your love for me.
each day that passed by you're fading away from me
and i still love you madly so constantly
and you wanted to break so you can see whats out there..what happen to always forever? do you still care?
now i see you in someone elses arms
i go crazy because we both know this is wrong
but you are happy and thats all that matters now.
even if its not with me.

i went to a party and saw you with him.
i got mad so i drank the pain away.. the more i drank the more i saw of you..
so i sat in a room alone and wrote a small note to myself
and you came in and sat next to me and asked " why do you still love me?" and i said to you " because you were my first love and my only love; no one can change."
you smiled at me and kissed my forehead and walked out.

i left the party by myself and drunk as i am i tried to find my way home.
walking around for hours clueless in these streets.
a car was speeding and rammed into me. as i flew into the air my shoes flew off my feet.
the impact knocked a hole in me. as i lie there bleeding to my death..
you came running to me; and said "im sorry.. im sorry." i said "for what?""
my boyfriend was driving and didnt pay attention" "dont worry everything happens for a reason"

i pulled the note out of my pocket and it was dripped in blood; i gave it to her.the ambulance was singing its song very loud.. took me in and drove to the hospital. but before they took me away i smiled at her one last time. as i was driving away i saw her crying...

as i saw the ambulance drive off; i opened the note that he handed to me. it read

my goddess my love and my all.
im sorry i couldnt keep you in love with thee at all.
love has its games and the stories it tells.
and our love was just another chapter in its tale.
i may not make you love me like when we were kids.
but i said i'll always forever and i sealed it with a kiss.
life has changed all that we know.
but my love for you is strong.
if death is the last way i can tell you how much i feel.
well then.
i love you always and never lost love in you at all.
i loved all the little things we did. like standing in the rain.
i love how much we grew up together
and i always thought it would be forever
its fine the way that it ended :]
because you are happy and im happy that you are.



at the bottom of the letter there was a smudge
it was his lips. and it said.
always forever,promised with a kiss

a flash back began and i remember sitting at a lunch table with him when he told me that.
i cried because i forgot who really loved me.
and my true love died for my selfishness..

too true

lets just let this just pass us..
and let it burn, let it be ashes..
i know i had you when i was average.
and now these memories of when i had yah..

it sucks when i fell down, feel over
and now i got the whole world on my shoulder.
and all i want is for this to blow over..
life use to be real easy, now it just harder..

i use to sit here and cry over you for days..
and hoping that i'll the strength to let it fade..
love just took me over and i was the slave..
i was soo lost didnt know i could be saved..

took a turn, took a different route.
hoping to find a new way out..
no one cares or hears me shout...
and im stuck under the pain.. with no way out.

my trust and my faith died that night..
when you told me what you did.. i cried
and at the end of it all i was stupid to not see the lies..
and now im heart broken and empty inside.

smiling became the hardest thing to do
because when i dream all i dream of is you
i know my time is up way past half due...
and in my mind i didnt want to believe it was true.

if you love something enough you have to let it go
always remember it in my heart and thats all i'll ever know
i can be happy and never let it this show
i love you a lot very much but its time to let you go

i need to find myself and i got to let him show..
and i got to remember im living this life not yo..
each day is a little brighter as the lights glow..
and im ready to accept im ready to smile for me not you

I'm sorry

I'm sorry for letting you slip away so easily..
I'm sorry for letting you sleep alone tonight.
I'm sorry if the thought of me makes you cry
I'm sorry for letting us get this far..

All these tasteless fights.. that drowned our nights.
All these feelings floating through the dreams that gets us by.
All the memories that replays itself over and over..
you can blame them on me.. over and forever.

I'm sorry for not loving you enough
I'm sorry for not running after you
I'm sorry for all the times i left you alone.
I'm sorry for letting our promises waste away..

All the time we held it all.. can not believe it vanished though air.
All the time i use to hold you tight. now losing you isnt so fair.
All the feelings i kepted locked up in this place i call love..
  wont escape from the fate i let us bleed in..
All the depression that dwells under this skin.. i live in.

I'm sorry for saying goodbye to you so early..
I'm sorry for letting you think i wasnt enough..
I'm sorry for letting you feel two wasnt a good number..
I'm sorry for not thinking it through.

All the times i held the doors open.. i still do but no one comes in
All the times i say ladies first.. but im alone so whats worse?
All the time i stare at the pictures we took together
  dont even know if i should cry or burn them..
All the times when i use to stare into your eyes..
now i can only picture them..

life has dropped the many problems and pains..
but you were by far the worse..
i can not stop thinking of your beautiful face that kissed my cheecks..
the soft delicate hands that held mines..
the warm hearted hugs that was given to me..
and i let it slip away.. away from me..
because i knew, i knew i was not good enough for you.
i'm sorry for not telling you in the first place.
instead i disguised myself as the boy everyone wants..

at war.

you are a soldier in war. and the circumstances has changed.. you are the soldier on the battle field fighting on through the pain. no one is left just you fending off the stress. and the battling isnt over far from it. and take a step back and march forward. because the prize the goal you seek. is only where you left it. 

sheer image

in this life. you will find one love.
you will find one trust. its a must.
if this life. you will search for paradise.
you will search for passion and contentment.

and after all the battle that wages in this life.
you find the strength to move on and live on.
it might not be the same as you started it.
but never forget you live this life. not them.

in this life. you will see torture and pain.
you will see the world fall in front of you.
in this life. you will feel others depression
you will hear their cries for forgivness.

and after what you've seen and heard.
would you stand up and meet them?
would you lend the hand of helping or stand and      
  watch them burn in the fire they bathe in?

in this life. you will live death and breathe it.
you will live the life that was giving to us.
in this life, you will breathe all the experiences you need plus more
and in this life its up to you to teach the youngs from your mistakes and give them the advice of the beautiful things you've seen.

heh..

i find myself searching for something i found all along..
and the stupid part about it, is that now its gone.
in someone elses arms being held strong..
and now im sitting here in the darkness writing songs..

i drink so i can try to forget your beautiful face..
and no matter what i do.. your smile cant be phased..
i wake up each morning thinking of that day..
and knowing i was an idiot for letting it fade...

now im on top of this moutain screaming for you...
and im looking at the stars... in this world for two..
the moon is gone.. forever.. what am i suppose to do?
im standing here knowing theres nothing left to prove..

hidden words.

we met in college, and finished together.. and you were always ahead of me. we drive in these cars all alone.. and now we have our jobs, yours and mines.. i watched you get married to another guy, as i got married to another bride.. we moved along. new kids and a new home.. you are happy and so am i? we move along vacations left and right..
and i get divorced and im alright? nice guy gets fcuked over.. but he is too nice to even care? you are my only friend the only one that was there. you helped me get back on my feet :] and we moved along. you are a ceo and and i lost my job.. what else can go wrong? you helped me once more wanting nothing in return.. im eighty now laying in a hospital bed.. only person next to me was you. i hand you a letter that was really torn up and told you to read it at 11:11. 11:11 comes up and she open it and it reads " heh.. i dont know how to put this.. but i fell in love with you the first day i met you. from the first time i saw you smile at me i knew you were the one. and i wanted to show you i liked you. but you grew fond of other guys. so i kept this to myself. and became the bestfriend you never had. im happy im still in your life. and i know life will bring you great things.. and i know i will never be as proud as you. but i am proud enough to call you my friend. i still love you after all this time.. and i wished you would of known how i felt.. but i couldn't bring down your life to where i was. so instead of being with you, i was by you as your bestfriend. and i cant stop loving you no matter how much i tried.. i try to fall in love with another but couldnt.. i tried to work and be on my own, but my feelings got to me. lost my job, lost my friends.. but i didnt lose you. i was at the lowest of my low and you helped me until i got back on my feet. and at night i cry because its soo hard to keep this feeling inside. so i got a tattoo of your name on my chest. no one knows. and i promised myself that i would tell you i loved you before die. but i never found the courage too.. so each day i wait for the perfect time to tell you.. and im still waiting..." as she looks up at him.. he smiles as he slowly fades into his sleep... no words no sound. and she starts to tear and says " my dear.. i always loved you but i didnt know you loved me.." as she holds his hands she found a note that read " this is my only chance to say this but, i love you" she breaks down and grasp him tightly screaming " COME BACK TO ME!!"

flash backs

everytime i look at my phone, i hear your voice floating through my mind. and everytime i blink my eyes, i see you all around me. and everytime i feel lonely i feel you holding my hands. and when i lay my head to rest i feel you next to me.. and when i look inside myself, i see you in my arms in my heart..  and each time i look at my phone, i hear no ones voice.. each time i blink my eyes i dont see anything, and when i feel lonely, im there alone. and when i lay my head to rest i feel cold, and when i look inside myself i find me holding memories and this broken heart.

._.

can you please, pass me, the antidote for my mind..
because it seems, that you, poisoned me so well
im lost inside, of those bright stary eyes..
and i cant seem, to find my way out...
and i find myself in these mindless cries..

i dont know what to do..
and i feel like migrating  alone..
because everywhere i go.. everything i do..
i feel out of placed... especially around you.
and i find myself in these empty thoughts..

what are the reasons that make me feel this way..
and it sucks so bad.. that i have to stay away
i wish i can change my mind from the way that it is..
one thought to another it can not resist..
and i find myself feeling colder more and more everyday..

last few words

so my body, starts to crawl
and my eyes, hasnt seen so clear..
and i fall.. on this ground..
and i have, nothing left to fear.
i am stuck, in the past..
so can you, forgive me..

i know that, i've done you wrong

[chorus]
sometimes i, wonder why
am i,  still waiting for you...
sometimes i, think of what.... we use to do
you are so beautiful..  you are the kind of girl.
who plays with hearts so much.. and now you have my world..

as my body, starts to fail..
and my eyes, starts to see stars..
and i know, my time is up
all i have, are these memories of you..
as im singing, these last few words..
can you forgive.. for letting you hurt..

i know that, i've done you wrong..

[chorus]
sometimes i, wonder why
am i,  still waiting for you...
sometimes i, think of what.... we use to do
you are so beautiful..  you are the kind of girl.
who plays with hearts so much.. and now you have my world..

i know that, i've done you wrong
and i know that, i've done you wrong..
and im singing, these last few words..
can you forgive me.. for letting you hurt..

http://i44.tinypic.com/2v3j9xj.jpg

picture for song by catherine luong

sunshine

sunshine, bright sunny day :]
its so clear, no rain is heading my way..
i use to mope and only dwell in the past.
but now looking back at it all, all i can do is laugh
i cant believe i wasted soo much time
the time what was rightfully mines..
i still love you oh yes i do.
i never forget all the times we shared.
its tattooed in my heart, will always be there
but its better to be happy for me than cry for you
and its ok if you forget me.. i wont forget you

sunshine oh this sunshine is lighting up my days :]
and i actually think its beautiful in every way
and when your love for me fades away..
just know i still think of you everyday
i use to sit in the dark and just hide from the world..
and i only did this because of you, girl
now that i opened in a way?
i hope more sunlight will head this way.
and they may say im lying just putting up an act
but fcuk it they say whatever they want to say..
i might not be as happy as i say i am.
but im happy enough to move on..

driven

Save me from being me.. being what i dont want to be..
Save yourself from the pain.. that only rains in my heart..
I thought we had something here! here together..
I thought it was real! always forever..
Now i'm looking at pictures of you and me..
And i've been thinking..

oh why, why has it come to this..
and im sitting here alone.. with you that i miss..
cutting my wrist is now soo hard to resist..
and being here all on my own.. is all that i got

left and right i turn and weave...
your beautiful face only hid what can decieve..
and i think about what we already did..
and i just turn away from you..

i need you.

why cant you see, what i've become..
why cant you see, i'm too young.. to fall the way i did..
to fall on my knees..
i really thought.. you were the one..
but i guess we were too young.. to fall in love the way we did..
to fall on our knees..

[chorus]
i cant let go..
i can not breathe
what do i do..
why cant you see!
i need you.
what do i do.. without you here..

walking in.. to see your face..
your hands in his.. my mind goes blank..
and im on my knees..
i said i'm sorry.. that im to blame..
forget me now.. forget my name..
im begging please..

[bridge]
oh please.. take this curse you have on me..
let me go.. leave me be..
im tired of this rain in my eyes..
i think im ready for this goodbye..

[chorus]
i cant let go..
i can not breathe
what do i do..
why cant you see!
i need you.
what do i do.. without you here..
[chorus]
i cant let go..
i can not breathe
what do i do..
why cant you see!
i need you.
what do i do.. without you here..

Check Mate?

I'm still here waiting day and night..
Wonder if it will change.. will it be alright..
I'm tired of this game.. im not ready to lose..
Especially if the prize is you..
And i still dont understand why..
Why dont you know..

TicTacToe three in a row..
I'm not ready to let this go..
In your eyes you know the truth..
That we belong me and you..
We use to be soo happy
Being king and queen..

Where is my throne.. where is my bride?
I am here alone.. not ready to cry..
Looking at the stars,the moon the sky..
And thinking of the time when our heart alined..
I know you still think of me like i think of you..
But the only difference is you dont know what to do.

Me

Another weekend and im out with the boys..
But my mind is only concentrated on you..
Driving and being on these streets we roam..
Been here so long it became my new home.
You float through my mind just like a fish in the sea
And i just want to drive to you; because you're the only one i want to see..

Late nights looking at the stars..
And im sitting alone here in this car.
Wondering what you are doing.. where you are..
You became all i can think of..
You are like a drug..

Can't sleep just rolling in bed..
And im just thinking of the words you said..
Eyes close and all i can picture is you..
Out of sight out of mind you became apart of me..
How can i let go of something that is me..

failing me now..

The walls starts to breathe
It begins to talk to me..
Telling me... all that ive done wrong..
and now it starts to sing a song..
" i see you crying at night"
"i see you trying to sleep it away"
"i cant tell if you're going to be alright"
"but i know it wont fade away"
The walls begins to breathe..
it starts to talk to me..
Telling me.. all that it seen..
and now its singing
"its too late to fight.."
"its too late to know if your right"
"its too late to give it up!"
"but its too early to know it if was love"

fantasy

searching for the longest most wanted thing in the world.

love

and when i finally thought i held it in these hands of mines..

it was just dirt that i picked up

it hurted when i thought i found love in you..

and after what we shared i was the one that was destine to lose..

and i wonder why i still cant let it go

why cant i let you go..

was it really love that found and let slip away?

was it really what i was searching for in everyway?

i was alive for the first time when i looked into your eyes

i never felt like that for a long time.. so long.

and now its been a year we shared... and is it really gone?

i know i was stupid but i know i wasnt wrong.

i knew you were too good for a kid like me.

and im glad i had you in the first place 

and brought me back into reality, when i was just living in fantasy..